Mena

"Who'd ya rather shag? Cinderella or Jasmine?"

That was what me mate Kumal asked late one evening as we were coming home on the number 44. We'd not been mates long. He was new to our school and clearly didn't get the memo about me.

"What?"

"Who'd ya rather shag? You know... Fuck. Give one to. Have sexual intercourse with."

"No, I got that bit. I'm asking what, as in... you know what, forget it. Jasmine. Next."

"Yeah, she's proper fit."

"... ... ... Yeah."

And also a wardrobe to die for. Particularly that one red number she wore when trapped in that hourglass. Always loved the colour red. Me first time in drag was an attempt to recreate that look. It weren't good.

But Kumal don't need to know that part.

"Your turn."

"Can we play somethin' else?"

"We only just started. Come on, just name two people to shag or not. It ain't hard."

"Just don't wanna play right now."

"Come on, I can name several people off the top of me head. Princess Leia, Ella from MAFS, Elsa from Frozen."

Me ears prick up at the mention of Ella.

"Ella from MAFS?"

"Yeah? Why not, like? She's bangin'."

"You... don't... care...?"

"What? That she's trans? No. Do you?"

"NO."

"Good. Would hate to learn me mate's a GERM."

"... Ya listen to Kate Nash too?"

"On me mam's party night bangers playlist."

"Great song."

"Yeah."

"So, um, who would ya shag? Ella from MAFS... ... ... or Lewis Barton from Emmerdale?"

"... ... ... Emmerdale?"

Kumal laughs.

"Shut up."

"Emmerdale?"

"It beats fuckin' Frozen."

"It really doesn't. Ha! So... ya gay then?"

"I'm... ... ... not straight."

"Hmm."

"Why d'ya think people at school call me Twinkerbell?"

"From your answer, sounds more like Peter Pansexual."

"Ha! I like that! Can I nick that?!"

"Knock yourself out. So... who'd ya shag: Ella from MAFS or Timothée Chalamet?"

"We just immediately discountin' Lewis from Emmerdale?"

"Don't know who he is. Show us a pic and then we'll..."

As if on cue, I flash him me lockscreen. It’s a picture of the Paris Gang - including Imogen and James - from Heartstopper Season 2. Me latest specialist interest. 

"... Oh, Bradley from BB24! Alright, I see it. So, Ella from MAFS or Bradley from BB24?"

"Bradley. You?"

"Still, Ella. I'm not the flag, I'm the mast."

"The what?"

"Ya know, the mast. That holds up the flag. Not queer but supportin'. Tell me ya've seen that meme goin' round?"

"No."

Kumal tuts, jokingly, and looks out the window.

"How d'ya know all this stuff?"

"Seen it online. Plus, me mams are very big in the queer activism scene. Ya pick a lot of things up. Including a superb queerdar. Had ya pegged day one."

"Oh... ... ... Who'd ya rather shag - Cara Delevingne, Gwendoline Christie or Hannah Waddingham?"

"Now we're talkin'!"