Rita Farr: I mean, if one ignores the fact that we appear to be dead, it's almost peaceful.
Jane: Are we seriously fucking dead?
Cliff Steele: Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? We're not fucking dead.
Victor Stone: Sure, we're just crossing the river. It's all good.
Cliff Steele: Oh, I'm sorry, did you want me to tell you you were right? That the big green guy with the death ray was bad?
Victor Stone: Yeah.
Cliff Steele: Fine. You win, blue balls.
Jane: This is horseshit. Dead or not dead, we're busting outta here.
Rita Farr: We're not busting out of here.
Jane: Shut it, Sack. Listen up, we bum rush the Jawa, we get the hell out of Dodge.
Cliff Steele: Fuck, yes. ... Question. Is anybody else starting to feel a little freaky?
Victor Stone: Yeah. What is that?
Jane: Smells like... eggs?
Rita Farr: Hello? What's going on? Huh...
****
Larry Trainor: Guys ... Hey, you're back ... Ugh. Crap. Oh... Yarn? ... No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no ... Are you happy now? Huh? If you were here, I could be yelling at you! But you left me here all alone! And now I lost the best friends I've ever had! I wasn't even supposed to be here!
****
Rita Farr: I did this. That dumb resort was my idea. Niles handed me my destiny. He literally gave me a key to my destiny, and what did I do? I went on vacation. Cliff. Cliff.
****
RJ Steele: How we doing today?
Cliff Steele: Are you shitting me? Dad?
RJ Steele: Who?
Cliff Steele: It's me. Cliff. Your son.
RJ Steele: ... Cliffie?
Cliff Steele: Yup.
RJ Steele: Christ on a bike. Life's taken a turn since I saw you last, huh?
Cliff Steele: Sure. Is this heaven?
RJ Steele: Well, up until about thirty seconds ago, I would've sworn it was. What the hell happened to you anyway?
Cliff Steele: Actually, since you're asking, sort of became a minor superhero since you last saw me.
RJ Steele: Uh-huh.
Cliff Steele: Didn't think it would've been Garguax The Decimator's alien death ray that finally got me, but here we are.
RJ Steele: Alien death ray, huh?
Cliff Steele: Yup.
RJ Steele: Well, whatever cranks your tractor, son.
****
Elinore Stone: Told you to watch your footing, son.
Victor Stone: Mom?
Elinore Stone: Come on, Victor, we don't have all day.
Victor Stone: Wait, Mom. Hold up!
****
Jane Challis: Mi dulce Kay. ¡Estás de vuelta! ¡Estás de vuelta!
Kay Challis: Abuelita
Jane Challis: Jane? Por supuesto...
Kay Challis: Jane, esta es mi abuela.
****
Larry Trainor: Hooray! Dorothy's home. Yes. How was the burial? Was it amazing?
Dorothy Spinner: Um, my father's burial? It was fine.
Larry Trainor: Awesome. I have some news, actually, some not-so-great news. But not to worry, because I have a plan.
Dorothy Spinner: What news?
Larry Trainor: Now, the real bitch was Cliff 'cause he came in a few pieces, but it's nothing a welding torch couldn't handle. But the bandages? Lifesaver. They'll preserve the bodies until the ground has thawed. Cinco de Mayo burial.
Dorothy Spinner: Um...
Larry Trainor: Hold on. Hmm... Right? Right, that's so Jane. So Jane.
Dorothy Spinner: Larry?
Larry Trainor: What?
Dorothy Spinner: Why did you arrange our dead friends at the dining room table?
Larry Trainor: Because leaving them jammed in the shipping boxes was weird and morbid. Seriously, Dorothy.
Dorothy Spinner: And they don't look weird and morbid now?
Larry Trainor: Actually, seeing this through fresh eyes, I can see your point. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Dorothy Spinner: Larry, it's okay. How about I make us some pancakes?
Larry Trainor: Okay.
Larry Trainor: Here, let me help.
Rita Farr: Help! Help! Help!
Larry Trainor: Rita! I saw Rita's face in the batter. Her face was in the pancake batter, I swear to God. I mean, what if she's stuck in purgatory? I saw her, Dorothy. You have to believe me. What if she's not dead?
Dorothy Spinner: We need help.
****
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I think Crystal should wait outside.
Crystal Palace: First off, it's bullshit when you talk about me like I'm not standing right here, Edwin.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Come on, mate, you know she doesn't like it.
Crystal Palace: You're doing it, too. I know you guys have this, "Oh, we're dead, and we've been best ghost friends for thirty years..."
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Like forty years.
Crystal Palace: Whatever the fuck, Charles. I'm a part of the detective agency now, so don't leave me out.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: You're the part of the agency that can still die. Do you want to die? 'Cause this is dangerous.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: If we simply killed her, this wouldn't be an issue anymore.
Crystal Palace: Say that again. I dare you.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Struck a nerve, did I?
Crystal Palace: ... That is an ambulance.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: A keen observation, Crystal.
Crystal Palace: Shut up, Edwin.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Hold up a tick. I think I know this ambulance. Danny, is that you?
Crystal Palace: You know an ambulance?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Used to be a street, didn't they? ... They want us to go with them. We should go. Danny's aces.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: We're in the middle of a case.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: He'll totally still be there when we get back.
****
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Thanks, Danny.
Crystal Palace: Hi. Nice mansion.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Wow. Look at these two.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Dear lord.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Ugh, can smell bandages from here, can't I?
Larry Trainor: Uh, we can hear you.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Oh, no.
Crystal Palace: Wait, who? You can hear the boys?
Dorothy Spinner: Don't be dotty, of course, we can. You're ghosts, and you're standing right in front of us. Now, Danny recommended you. You are the Dead Boy Detective Agency?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: That we are. Here to solve any and all super supernatural mysteries; hauntings, curses, otherworldly creatures, anything strange, really.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: We're selectively here to solve mysteries. How old is this house?
Dorothy Spinner: Old. And it's a perfectly lovely house. Now, how much do you charge for your services?
Crystal Palace: Uh, well, we have to eat, you know? Or I have to eat, they don't eat.
Larry Trainor: Okay. Um, this has been super fun, but you can leave now.
Dorothy Spinner: No, stay. And you'll be paid fairly. But no funny business. Deal?
Crystal Palace: Why would you do this?
Larry Trainor: I don't know. Comfort? Hey, Jesus, isn't it clear that I'm not doing okay? These kids are Danny's big idea?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: You lot sent the magical ambulance to get us, right?
Larry Trainor: Okay, listen, if you two are ghosts, so why can I see you?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: People who have been close to death or extreme horrors can see us.
Larry Trainor: Uh-huh. Copy that.
Crystal Palace: Okay, let's get down to business. To contact your friends, we'll need a personal item. And we'll need a person to be the conduit.
Dorothy Spinner: You're a psychic. Can't you do it?
Crystal Palace: Sorry, I don't let spirits inside me anymore. It can go sideways.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: She has damage.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Shut it, Edwin.
Crystal Palace: Anyway... it should be someone with a strong connection to whoever we're trying to reach.
Dorothy Spinner: Oh, Larry saw Rita in the pancake batter this morning.
Larry Trainor: Or, you know, I'm hallucinating from grief.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: So you're a very sad mummy then, yeah?
Crystal Palace: If Rita is reaching out, she might still be conscious. That means Bandages here is the conduit.
****
Cliff Steele: So, this is your afterlife? You drink beer, hunt? Of course, you do.
RJ Steele: Actually, I call it my happy place. Have a look.
Cliff Steele: Whoa ... The hell you do that for?
RJ Steele: You're gonna love it. Tastes just like chicken.
Cliff Steele: That horse-winged thing was beautiful, and you just...You just destroyed it like everything else in your life, you son of a bitch. Hell, I know you tried your ever fucking best to screw me up. Make me a bad father, a bad husband, but guess what, asshole? It didn't work. You couldn't destroy me because, in the end, I knew my daughter. I knew my grandson, and you know what? They knew me.
RJ Steele: My sweet Clara had a boy, huh?
Cliff Steele: Oh, you mean my sweet Clara? What do you care?
RJ Steele: Hot damn.
Cliff Steele: What do you mean, your sweet Clara? There's no such thing as your sweet Clara! Hey!
****
Jane: Creo que nunca la había visto sonreír tanto.
Jane Challis: Sonreía, reía, cantaba y bailaba. El espíritu de esa niña estaba tan vivo.
Jane: Está bien. Sé lo que pasó.
Jane Challis: Claro que sí. La mantenía a mi lado siempre que podía, cualquier excusa era buena para mantenerla aquí, lejos de él. Y entonces una mañana... se habían ido. No pudo soportar que yo supiera lo que sabía y se los llevó. Mi Elena. Mi dulce Kay. Tenía un trabajo. Un trabajo. Él me las quitó.
Jane: Le he fallado a esa niña tantas veces que, honestamente, no sé por qué me mantiene cerca. Quiero decir... estamos muertos. Yo la maté. Y aún así... ella es increíble. La niña que criaste es increíble. Y Dios sabe que las cosas están lejos de ser perfectas, pero sé una cosa. Ya no le hace daño.
Jane Challis: Bien. Bien.
****
Elinore Stone: I know you're reeling, Victor. It's a lot. You wanna talk about it?
Victor Stone: After the accident... after we lost you, Dad saved my life. He and S.T.A.R. Labs gave me the name Cyborg, and I don't know, I've sort of been a superhero ever since. Trying to anyway.
Elinore Stone: That sounds like something your father would do.
Victor Stone: Mom... I am so sorry. I didn't mean...
Elinore Stone: No, no. Do not blame yourself for a single solitary thing. Do you hear me? Look at this. I am out here every day hiking amongst all this beauty. I'm living my best life here and now, Victor.
Victor Stone: Okay. I never heard you talk about hiking a day in your life.
Elinore Stone: Uh, I beg your pardon. Your father and I hiked - and rock climbed, too...
Victor Stone: Okay, now, hold up. When?
Elinore Stone: Long before you came along, chump.
Victor Stone: ... I met somebody.
Elinore Stone: Now, this is what I'm here for. Name?
Victor Stone: Roni. She's cool, Mom. She's real. She just opened my eyes, but she's got a lot of pain. And she's done some real bad things. And I know I'm supposed to be this hero, but I just had to give her another chance. That was the only thing that felt right. No matter the risk. Of course, Dad says...
Elinore Stone: Victor, I could give a rat's ass what your father said. Maybe he chose to turn you into some sort of cybernetic weapon, but as your mother, who was half responsible for this, I'm proud to see the sensitive, thinking, compassionate man I raised is alive and well. Now take this and come on. We're almost there.
****
Crystal Palace: These are all Rita's?
Dorothy Spinner: If we're trying to reach one of our friends, we're trying them all. Okay, you're the medium. What do they do?
Crystal Palace: Edwin has an extensive working knowledge of dead creatures that might try to slip into Larry. Charles has a stockpile of weapons, costumes, generally upsetting shit.
Larry Trainor: Okay, what's that for?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: It's a baseball bat. 'Cause we're in the States. Mind your business.
Larry Trainor: Oh, God.
Crystal Palace: ... Boys. Turnip! All of your sex ghosts have the same safe word. Just FYI.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: They need a cabinet particulier. ... It's a private room for romantic trysts. ... Honestly, it's a perfectly commonplace phrase when I was alive.
Crystal Palace: ... Wait, I've got something. But if this is Rita, I'm sensing ... it's like she's here and on the other side.
Dorothy Spinner: What does that mean?
Crystal Palace: It's not like a normal thing, so I don't exactly know, but... Larry, call out to Rita.
Larry Trainor: Rita? Rita, can you hear me?
Larry Trainor: /Rita Farr: Larry? Larry, we're trapped in... It feels like hell. I think it's hell.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: It's not Hell. Trust me.
Larry Trainor: /Rita Farr: Who was that?
Dorothy Spinner: Rita, it's Dorothy. Hello. You said you were with the others?
Larry Trainor: /Rita Farr: We're under some kind of black tunnel, with lights that pass by.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Sounds like the Tunnel of Souls. They're still being processed.
Dorothy Spinner: So they're not gone? Do you know what they are?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Technically.
Dorothy Spinner: Don't worry, Rita. We're going to come and get you. You'll be okay.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Right, that is not the plan.
****
The Spirit of Malcolm DuPont: Wait! You don't have to fight.
****
Crystal Palace: Well, we did what we'd said we would, and we'll email you an invoice.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: If you wanna go to the afterlife, do it yourselves.
Larry Trainor: Wait, wait.
Dorothy Spinner: Wait. We don't know how. Please. I lost my mom and then my dad. I can't lose my friends, too. They're all I have.
Crystal Palace: You lost... This isn't our problem anymore.
Larry Trainor: Crystal. Look, imagine what it's like to know there might be a way to get your family back. But you can't do it without help.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Right, we going?
Crystal Palace: ... I think ... maybe we should help.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Oh, fuck right off. You know Death is looking for us. Parading around in the afterlife seems like a keen way to get her attention.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Crossing over is a big ask. We don't usually go in for that sort of thing, Crystal, and you know it.
Larry Trainor: Whoa. Hold up, hold up. There's an actual Death? Like an actual capital "D" death that is looking for you specifically?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Mind your business.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: This is what I'm talking about.
Crystal Palace: Yes, it's different and whatever, scary. And yes, it is riskier for you two than it is for me. But Edwin, no one knows the afterlife like you. And Charles will protect you.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I don't need Charles to protect me.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, I'd do it anyway, won't I?
Crystal Palace: You say you started this agency to help people, to have a purpose with all this time on your hands. You want to be like those guys from the detective novels ... Okay, I vote we help.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I also vote we help.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: What?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Sorry.
Dorothy Spinner: I vote you help, too.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: You don't get a vote ... Fine. But if we get caught, you'll feel absolutely gutted, Crystal.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: There he is. There's a brave lad.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Okay, Larry. We'll go with you. Your connection to Rita will be a bit of a flashlight in the dark.
Larry Trainor: No, no. See... 'Cause I'm alive. And if I'm alive, then how could I go with you?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Love this.
Crystal Palace: You're going to astral project. So your soul will leave your body.
Dorothy Spinner: Oh, just like the negative spirit. ... Not like that. Sorry, never mind.
Crystal Palace: Here. Take this. Concentrate. What do you see?
Larry Trainor: Oh, it's a space shuttle. Yeah. Like ... Oh! Ow! FUCK! God! What the... What... What did you just... Look, look. Wha... Look at me.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Right. We enter here. Stay close to us. Edwin has a proper knowledge of how things work over on this side.
Crystal Palace: We'll keep an eye on things here.
****
Larry Trainor: Uh, this is not what I expected the afterlife to look like.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: This isn't the afterlife. It's more like a road to the afterlife. It's a road to a lot of places.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Edwin's been dead since 1916, so he spent a lot of time here.
Larry Trainor: That bat is in case we see Death?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Okay, I get that you're doing the very adult thing of using humour to hide anxiety, but you're a tourist here, right? Death is no joke.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Death's quite nice, actually. And she is super fit. It's the things that work for her you have to worry about.
****
Cliff Steele: There's no way my daughter reconciled with a shitheel like you.
RJ Steele: How about a shitheel like you?
Cliff Steele: Not the same.
RJ Steele: Well, you believe what you want, Cliffie. The fact is, you decapitating yourself and Kate kicked off a long and fruitful relationship.
Cliff Steele: Bullshit.
RJ Steele: Honestly, the whole love-in with Clara almost made me wanna do a do-over with you and your mom.
Cliff Steele: Really? Okay. Since we're stuck together for all eternity, you want a do-over, let's do a do-over. I'll start. Fuck you!
RJ Steele: I'm afraid that's not how it works here, son. I'm just a welcoming committee. Your forever is that way.
Cliff Steele: Good. If it means forever getting away from your ass, sign me up..... That's it?
RJ Steele: Yes, sir.
****
Dorothy Spinner: Um, wh... When I mentioned my parents earlier, your face was...
Crystal Palace: What about it?
Dorothy Spinner: Oh, nothing. It just looked like maybe...
Crystal Palace: Look, I'm playing this game to distract myself from the fact I just sent my best friends into, like, danger. If you have a question, just ask.
Dorothy Spinner: Are your parents dead, too?
****
Cliff Steele: Whoa. Whoa. My slot car? What're you doing here, little buddy?
****
Dorothy Spinner: Wait, that's Cliff's. Does that mean Cliff can hear us?
Crystal Palace: It's not an exact science, but I think it means he's not fully dead yet.
Dorothy Spinner: Really?
Crystal Palace: Maybe we can reach them all.
****
Cliff Steele: Whoa! Wait!
****
Cliff Steele: Uh... What the fuck?
****
Larry Trainor: Okay. This tree is terrifying. Must be where we're headed.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Now we enter the afterlife. But the price to open the door is... pain.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: You, uh, you don't have to do that, Edwin. We can find another way in.
Larry Trainor: I've got some pain. I... I can afford to spare some pain to open the door, or whatever. I'll do it.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That's nice of you. It's just... You see that lever? That's my pain. I have to pull it. Charles never officially crossed over when he died, and you're not actually dead. I'm the only one this place knows ... I'll get to it. I'd be a right-shit detective if I didn't. Hold this, please. All right... Oh, yeah. Let's get to it.
****
Jane Challis: ¡Muy bien! ¡Eso es bueno! Ve a la cocina y búscate unas galletas. Tenemos que hablar de lo que vas a hacer a continuación.
Jane: Pensé... Pensé que tal vez podríamos quedarnos aquí.
Jane Challis: Oh, querida. Me temo que no es posible.
Jane: Pero... ella es tan feliz aquí. Eres tan bueno con ella. Y no sé cuánto tiempo más podré seguir haciendo esto. ¿Y si le fallo?
Jane Challis: Es posible. Y podría aplastarte como me aplastó a mí. Pero harás lo que yo hice. Tomarás este dolor, harás algo de él. Sobrevivirás.
Jane: ¿Sabes?
Jane Challis: Lo único que sé es que hacer estos muñecos hizo que me doliera menos. ¿Quién puede decir por qué? Cuando hice esta Jane, sabía que sería la más fuerte de todas. Defectuosa pero fuerte.
Jane: ¿Cómo puedes saberlo?
Kay Challis: Porque ese también es el nombre de Abuelita.
Jane Challis: Ya es hora.
Kay Challis: ¡Tu pincel!
****
Jane: What the fuck? I was supposed to go to my afterlife.
Cliff Steele: Same.
****
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: The Watchers. They mind the tunnel. Keep the souls in place. Right, just we'll want to avoid them. ... He's afraid of water.
Larry Trainor: Why?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: It's private. ... You're nosy, right? I'll make sure he's fine.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I'm not scared. Just... You know.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: We know.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: All right, just so we're clear.
Larry Trainor: I was saying to Charles earlier, it seems like you like each other... a lot. Like, maybe you have feelings that...
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: He's my mate. Don't be crass, all right? Even if I did, it ... it wouldn't be normal. It wouldn't be normal, so why talk about it?
Larry Trainor: Sorry. I just, uh... I used to think that. But it is normal. Now. I mean, it's not 1916, you know?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Right. Well, I'm not like you. But thanks for the concern.
Larry Trainor: Um, is he about to freak out?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I'm brilliant. Thanks. Died of hypothermia in a lake. But anything for a case. Right? That river can sod off.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: There's a lad. No worries at all.
Larry Trainor: Um, if this is the part where I'm a flashlight, why isn't it glowing?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That's just a prop Crystal gave you to make you feel more comfortable.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: She's slick like that.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: She's good. ... You'll just... feel her. In theory.
Larry Trainor: In theory?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Fuck it if we know, mate.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Hope you weren't counting on us for this part. Right. So are we doing this or...
****
Elinore Stone: You, uh... You got that stone?
Victor Stone: Yeah.
Elinore Stone: Your father and I used to have this ritual that every time we would come up here, I would put a rock under this tree, and he would call me crazy.
Victor Stone: Did he have a point?
Elinore Stone: Maybe. But I got a tree full of rocks... That's your path, son.
Victor Stone: My what?
Elinore Stone: Your afterlife. Okay, Victor. I'm doing my best not to cry here. So could you do us both a favour and get your butt over there?
Victor Stone: What did you mean when you said Dad chose to make me into a weapon? He said he had no choice at all, that this was the only way to save me.
Elinore Stone: Victor, when you walk down that path, anything that happens from here is your choice. Focus on that.
Victor Stone: Mom.
Elinore Stone: Your father chose to make you a hero.
Victor Stone: Was that so wrong?
****
Crystal Palace: What's this?
Dorothy Spinner: Oh, it's nothing. I... I was trying to... It's stupid.
Crystal Palace: Trying to contact someone else?
Dorothy Spinner: My dad and I used to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory every time he'd visit me.
Crystal Palace: ... You could have just told me.
Dorothy Spinner: Well, you're a bit intense.
Crystal Palace: Yeah.
Dorothy Spinner: And I haven't spent a lot of time around other teenage girls. So, I suppose I was nervous.
Crystal Palace: All right. Let's cut the shit and just be cool girls. My only friends in the world are two dead boys, and I'm worried about them, but, like, only, like, a little bit worried. I mean, they can handle themselves. But, like, it's good that we have each other.
Dorothy Spinner: Yeah. How, how did you meet them? I wouldn't know where to begin with boys.
Crystal Palace: A demon named David possessed me for over a year ... I did terrible things. Edwin and Charles were the ones who finally evicted him from my body. That's how we met.
Dorothy Spinner: They're brave, aren't they?
Crystal Palace: I mean, they've been doing this for, like, decades. So, yeah, I guess they are brave. But Dorothy, we're all just a bunch of fucked up kids trying to hold shit together by playing detectives. We've all got baggage.
Dorothy Spinner: Like, with David the demon?
Crystal Palace: Yeah. David took some things from me on his way out. All of the memories of my parents.Anything that would help me know them or find them. So my mission is to find David, fuck him up and get those memories back.
Dorothy Spinner: Wow. That's a lot.
Crystal Palace: People say that it's better to move on. They'll say that to you about your dad, too, and, um, it's wise advice. But screw those people. Don't sit in this big house feeling sad. Find a way to reach your dad if you think you can. Dorothy, we both know there's all kinds of crazy shit in this world that can happen.
Dorothy Spinner: Yeah.
Crystal Palace: Growing up with goals is important. For me, having a personal vendetta is, like, really healthy.
****
Victor Stone: Where's Rita?
Cliff Steele: Unclear. Maybe she escaped.
Jane: So what the hell are we waiting for?
Victor Stone: Maybe she escaped? Maybe something worse.
Cliff Steele: Who fucking cares? We're getting the fuck out of here. We're gonna live again. And I'm gonna be the best fucking grandfather the world ever saw, so I can fuck my father in the forehead forever for thinking he could out-grandpappy Cliff fucking Steele ... Are you shitting me?
****
Larry Trainor: Rita?
Rita Farr: Larry?
Larry Trainor: Rita? Rita?
Rita Farr: Larry.
Larry Trainor: I got you.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Now that's a proper hug.
Rita Farr: Who ...?
Larry Trainor: I'll tell you later.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Steady now. We're in for it.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Watchers?
Larry Trainor: Watch... What do we do?
Rita Farr: I'm sorry. Is that supposed to...
Larry Trainor: It's the States, it's an American afterlife, I'm using the bat.
Rita Farr: Okay. ... Oh, thank God.
Jane: Larry? Shouldn't you be on Jupiter or some shit?
Larry Trainor: You know, funny, it's not actually me. It's an astral projection.
Jane: I actually don't care.
Larry Trainor: Yep, yep.
Cliff Steele: Okay. Time to taxidermy this turkey. Which way's home?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Yeah, I'm thinking you shouldn't have done that.
Cliff Steele: Who brought judgy Harry Potter?
Larry Trainor: Who's that lady?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That's no lady.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: She works for Death, and she's not here for you.
The Night Nurse: Well, look at this. Oh, you naughty boys. I'm so glad you've come to your senses. Charles. Edwin. Almost bed checks, so come along.
Jane: Why don't you back the fuck up, girl, before you get a boot up your ass.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: No, no, no, no. That's so not how any of this works.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Not letting her anywhere near you, Edwin. You got that?
The Night Nurse: Did you find a wee toy?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I've got quite a collection in my bag. It's kinda my thing, innit?
Cliff Steele: What the fuck?
The Night Nurse: Charles. That stung. Good for you.
Jane: Oh, shit.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: We didn't come back here to stay. We've got too many people who need our help, and you can't make us. I'm not afraid of you anymore. So you can take your bed check and fuck off.
The Spirit of Malcolm DuPont: All of you, go! Bendy. You don't remember me ... It's okay. Never let them see you sweat. Get out of here.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: She can do whatever she bleeding wants to. We need to get to the river. Now.
Cliff Steele: Fuck that. We fucked up those freaks with the glow-in-the-dark testicle thingies, we'll fuck up that face-like-a-spider woman, too!
The Spirit of Malcolm DuPont: Go!
Jane: Who is that guy?
Rita Farr: I have no idea.
Cliff Steele: Uh-oh.
****
Cliff Steele: Spin on this, weird spider-face lady!...What the fuck?
Rita Farr: ... It's just vomit.
****
Dorothy Spinner: Look.
Rita Farr: You know, in all the afterlife excitement, I never asked you about space. Surprised you're back so soon.
Larry Trainor: Yeah, so am I. Let's just say it was an experience. But I'm back. Minus a passenger.
Rita Farr: Oh, Larry. Are you okay?
Larry Trainor: I will be. Thank you. Oh, hey, who was that guy that tried to save us in the afterlife? An old friend?
Rita Farr: Not a clue.
Larry Trainor: Huh. Maybe he had the wrong Rita.
Rita Farr: Maybe.
Jane: Your dad shot a pegasus? That's like, worse than shooting a unicorn by magnitudes of billions.
Cliff Steele: I think I need help. I'm gonna make it out of here. With the living.
Jane: Me too.
Victor Stone: I didn't ask...
Rita Farr: Eat. We all need our strength.
Dorothy Spinner: Everybody, I have an announcement. I'm truly glad you're all safe, and you're the closest thing to a family I've ever really had ...
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: But she's leaving.
Crystal Palace: Losers.
Dorothy Spinner: They're right. I am. But just for a while. I need to find a few things.
Larry Trainor: Well, um, we hope you find what you're looking for.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That was patently for all of us. Subtlety is really not your strong suit.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: What, are you and Goggles pals now? Guess you're a lot alike, really. All severe and moody, and pessimistic.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Maybe we are. Bugger off, Charles.
Cliff Steele: Have fun, you kids. Don't worry about us. We're great.
Jane: Um, who in the sweet mercy of fuck are you?
Laura De Mille: Hmm, good question. Now, who would like some tea?
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