Kim

I fuckin' hate her.

Calm down—

Calm down?! Calm down?!

I'm just sayin' … let's not do or say anythin' you might regret later, like—

I wish she weren't me Mam.

… like that.

Well, it's fuckin' true.

Just … tell me what happened. From the beginnin'.

Fine. She found out about me doin' ballet with the girls. And told everyone... Told everyone... that … … …

Oh... Oh, no.

Yeah. The girls didn't care. Neither did the teacher. But some of their parents? They absolutely kicked off. And now I can no longer do the class. What's more, Mam signed me up for fuckin' rugby practice. Said it would "make me a man, not a fuckin' poof."

… I'm sorry.

So instead of practicin' for me Swan Lake debut at the under-14s regionals, I am under 15 sweaty guys in the pissin rain and mud... Constantly bein' bullied and hit for bein' a "pervert groomer tranny nonce" who was "pretendin' to be a girl". And it's all thanks to me fuckin' Mam. So, tell me, Derrick, what do I have to be calm about?

Oh, Kim. I'm sorry … … … You're Mam's a bitch. Alright? She is a total bitch.

Do you wanna know what she said to us, after? She was like, "I were only thinkin' of you." Didn't want me "throwin' my life away". Wanted to "brin' me back down to Earth" and "stop bein' delusional". That I were "bein' misogynistic" and "playin' dress up". And that this "had been comin' a long time". Because this is the reason Dad no longer sees us anymore.

So you're the reason your Dad got his leg over Mrs Yaxley from Home Ec? I don't ... I don't quite see the logical progression there.

Me neither. But apparently it's my fault.

No. It's not. It's really fuckin' not.

I called her mother of the fuckin' year. And she slapped me 'cross the face. Hard. And well... here I am.

Hmm... Well, you can crash here tonight. We can get you a sleepin' bag set up in the tree house. But it won't be the most comfortable, mind. And then, tomorrow, we will need to make a proper plan of action.

Thanks, Derrick.

For what?

… … …

You're welcome, Kim.

… Oh, shit.

What?

A text. From … from … … …

Let's read it... Hmm... "When are you gonna stop poutin'? Grow up and get your arse back home, now, or I'll make you sorry that … … …" Vindictive bruja... Pass it us here.

What are you doi'—

Trust me.

… I'm … I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?

Definitely not.

Derrick! Don't call her—

Hi, Gwen. It's Derrick  … … …Yes. Yes... Yes. Your Kim is fine. She is safe and with us. No... no... I'm not callin' her that. Or that. Hmm. Well, I have a few choice words for you, too.  Oh, and also a message: You come near Kim again, and I'll call the fuckin' police.  And social services. You understand? … Well fuck you and your mother, too. You have a wonderful eveni—

Pass it here.

Hold a moment, Gwen... Kim? ... You sure?

No. So give us here while I can still do this.

…

Hey, Mam. It's Kim... your daughter. Hmm... well, I'm sorry to hear that. Actually, I'm not. I'm very relieved. Because it makes this so much easier. Goodbye Mam. And thank you … For a very important lesson, if nothin' else. Ciao.

Give us it here… … … Bu-by now, Gwen. See you never … … … Well, that was fun. Who's for Chinese?

Derrick?

She sounded on top form... Urgh, who am I kiddin'? She really, really wants you home, don't she?

Right now. She said I am in line for a good hidin'.

I'm sorry.  

No, I am.

Don't be. You know she told me and me Mam to go fuck ourselves? Is now a bad time to say I never liked her? Anyway... you fancy a Chinese for dinner or not?

Yeah. Why not. I can get my—

Oi, you'll do no such thing. Put your money away. This is on us.

Derrick? What's gonna happen now?  

… Tomorrow, Kim. Tomorrow. For now, let's focus on tonight.