Fatiha & Kaley

"Fatiha? Fatiha? Where are you?" 

"Up here. In the VIP suite." 

"I'm not going to speak to you through the bathroom door." 

"Then I hope you brought a book. Been backed up since half past with that meal from last night." 

"Eww."

"I know. How you feeling after it?" 

"I didn't eat it, did I? I had something else." 

"Ooh, lucky you. So what do I owe this pleasure?" 

"I have news for you. You've got interest in your show. A few girls from work. Mike and Leslie from down the garage. Oh, and an enby called Luigi."

"Luigi? They Italian?"

"Yeah. Via Hucknell. Their dad runs the Codfather."

"You're joking?! They do wonderful chips." 

"They're all right. I'd have both Them and Daddy over chips any day of the week though." 

"See that's the trouble with you... no taste." 

"Hmm... ... ... And yet here I am smelling like a rose. And there's you in there, my lovely little corpse flower." 

"Fuck off." 

"Love you too. Now... ... ... the lineup for tonight. It's you and me, of course. Then there's Hoe-Zier."

"Nice."

"Jupiter Ass-Ending."

"Meh." 

"And then there is Lake Titty-Kaka."

"How droll. What is it with all these drag names that focus on sex and tits these days? Really. No class." 

"Oh, I do apologise... ... ... Phil MaCavity."

"I've learned since then. I was 16. I thought it would be funny. Give me a break."

"Fine. So that's the lineup. Two washed-up Queens. A fresh-faced Dyke. And a slag who has been with half the guys in Middlesbrough. Bless him."

"Wasn't that the name of your first Fringe Show?" 

"... ... ... It's not the greatest lineup, is it?" 

"It's a fine lineup." 

"We need some heavy hitters." 

"Well, unless you can get me Louis Cypther or Christian Adore, then we will make do with this lot... ... ... Oooh. We got some movement... ... ..."

"Very good, chum ... ... ... Did you hear it kicked off in the Poisoned Posset?"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Nigella Farage got into a fight with Alexandra Burqa."

"Oooh, who won?" 

"Burqa. Farage stormed out after getting a milkshake thrown on her by Burqa's boy-toy. You know, the one? Hot trans lad from Milton Keynes."

"Ha ha. Get in!" 

"I know. She's got a bloody nerve trying to get back on the circuit after performing at that For Women Scotland Benefit." 

"That's what I said. If your drag ain't inclusive, you ain't doing drag. Just like my feminism." 

"I don't remember Emmeline Pankhurst saying stuff like that through a bathroom door."

"No? Well, you would know, you're old enough to remember her." 

"I'm 56, you cheeky fuck." 

"Right. I'm coming out. Look out world... ... ... Here she is."