Sasha, Kal & Gray

Do you remember when we first met?

Oh. My. God. Please don’t tell that story.

Why? You embarrassed?

Yes!

Ha!

Hey up, what’s this then?

Kal! Don’t you fucking dare!

Well — Basically met this one on Tinder. She had no idea we were meeting for a date, yet she asked if I was single while we were right there in KFC.

I was making conversation.

Then, the second time meeting her, she said, “Can you do me a favour?” I said sure, and she gives me her tits and asks if I can keep them in my bag, as she was having bra trouble. Second time meeting.

No way?!

Uh-huh.

God, seriously, Sash?!

I didn’t have a bag. And they kept slipping out me top.

Yeah, and then you nearly forgot them. Had to call you back at the bus stop after we'd just split off to return them.

Ha!

Hmm.

I fucking love you, Sash.

Hmm.

Tell me you have more stories.

Tonnes, Gray. Tonnes. Don’t get me started about the periods.

Oh, no!

Periods?

She’s been on E for three years, and didn’t know she could get periods. Then, when I mention me being on mine, after like two months on E, watching her face in real time, connecting the dots like that maths gif.

In my defence, the gender clinic said nought about that.

Oh yeah, gender clinics are shit for that. Was still funny!

So, you’ve seen Sasha’s tits, Kal?

Several times, Gray. Several times. Both silicone and real.

When was this?

Dr Who and Taskmaster night. Make a quick and dramatic change without losing eye contact with “the Taskmaster.” She whipped off her top, threw on a denim waistcoat, wrapped her old school tie round her head, and drew an anarchy symbol on her bicep like she were knock-off John Constantine.

Wow!

Got to say though, not to sound gayer than I already am, but you’ve got cracking tits, Sash.

Yeah?

Yeah. You’re a lucky man, Gray.

I know.

Hmm. Thanks.  

Ha! Eight years.

Yeah. Eight years.

Tell me all this is going in the best maid’s speech.

Oh yes!

You’re not getting the mic!

Err, I think you’ll find Gray will side with me on this one. Won’t you, Gray?

Aye, sorry, babes, she’s getting the mic. Two against one: groom breaks ties.

Err, since when?

Patriarchy.

Ha! Victo—

Balls to the patriarchy. Oi, don’t you assist him, Bitch!

Ha!

Hmmm.

So that’s a yes to speech, Kal?

Still not getting it!

We’ll see, mate. We’ll see.