We had our first Tarot reading the other day.
It was our birthday, and our friend brought over their tarot deck.
A queer deck for a queer party. And there was me… “The Queerent.”
Hah, we like that joke.
We heard it in a show: "Agatha All Along." It was Billy Maximoff, aka Wiccan, aka… our favourite character. Though that is a hard choice. We like every member of that assembled cast.
They are not a medium, but they dabble.
Oh, we forgot to say… HIIIII! Our name’s Kitty!!! We’re a Little and a member of The Perpetual Cabaret Players.
Ha. Where were we?
Oh yeah… Queerent.
So we sat cross-legged at our partner’s feet, them scritching us and Talon behind the ears… Talon like scritches. It is how he soothes. Talon is demiboy. We demigirl. And we like cake. Not like. Love. We like cake and sweets, and our rabbit … Milky. We have had him since Ivy was a baby. He still plays his lullaby if you pull his little cotton tail.
… … …
Anyway, we were asked to draw three cards from seven and not flip them till asked. And keep them in the order we drew them.
So we put them on the coffee table, draped in our old trans pride flag, which we use as our tablecloth. And then… we flip.
*****
The first: The Past
The first: The Past
The Wheel of Fortune (Reversed) - An indication of unexpected change that may cause stress and resistance; not something you want, but regardless of your desires is now your reality. Time to reflect on your relationship to change, power, and control. Take the time now to focus on the locucusts of control to break that cycle.
*Locus not locusts - Thalia
Where to begin with this one?
We left home earlier this year under less-than-ideal circumstances… … … and while we are working to reforge certain relationships… …. … other bridges are not so easy to repair after they have been torched. Not even if they are family.
Had our push for surgery constantly knocked back - again and again and again - and eventually denied by the Gender Clinic. Because of our DID. Because they think we won’t be happy with the outcome. Won’t like the changes. Don’t understand the permanence… But we do. We do understand. And we all want this. Every member of TPCP. We want it more than anything.
==================================
The Present
Two of Pentacles (Reversed) - Feeling out of balance and overcommitted. The struggle to find harmony makes things stressful…
Again accurate. Very accurate. Both in terms of looking for permanent work, struggling to balance work life and social life, putting our health first, and balancing the internal power structure within TPCP.
Oh, by the way… hello, Kitty had to take a bit of a backseat at this part. So we’ve agreed to continue this on her behalf. We are Thalia. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.
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The Future
Queen of Wands - confidence, encouragement, courage, determi—
WE’RE GOING TO BE A QUEEN!!!
… Determination
"You’re confident, optimistic, and simply ooze good vibes. A natural social butterfly…
WE LIKE BUTTERFLIES!!! THEY HAVE SUCH PRETTY WINGS AND … AND … AND … sorry
“Your presence is a delight to be around. When this appears in your reading, it suggests confidence and comfort in your own skin - ready to express yourself fully to the rest of the world. When you exist as your most authentic self, you give others permission and courage to live up to their fullest potential, too. It reminds people that they, too, are powerful. You truly want everyone to succeed and care about the community.”
We… we want to be that person. We try to be that person. We… want to be a Queen of Wands.
Our friends said this hand was apt. Our partner said it hit the nail on the head. And that … that almost brought us to tears.
*****
It’s been 48 hours since this reading took place, and we have already begun making steps to achieve this future.
First … we are going to continue therapy. To help us find balance and harmony in our System.
Second … … … We are going to go and challenge Chalmers’ decision. Show them that they were wrong to deny our access to gender affirming care because of “red flags of autism and DID”. Prove we have self-autonomy. Self-determination.
Having surgery doesn’t make us any less of a woman. But we want the surgery for ourselves. For no one else. Just for us. For it will help soothe the intense body dysphoria we get from looking in the mirror.
Can I finish??? Please??? Please??? PLEASE???
Yes. Kitty, you can finish.
THANK YOU, THALIA!
We were very happy to be a QUEERENT. Thank you for making our birthday so special. You made us feel like a queen. A QUEEN OF WANDS.
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